What The Heck Happens At The BAU?
by starfire123
Summary: Prequel to The BAU Is Never Allowed To...Please read it before reading this story. This is a series of one-shots of the events that led Hotch and Rossi to create the accursed list. Warning: Major Out of Characterness.
1. Chapter 1

**Here is the prequel to The BAU Is Never Allowed To… I hope you like it! Just warning you, I will not write a one-shot for every rule on the list. Also, the one-shots will not be in order according to said list. **

**I do not own Criminal Minds.**

It had been a long day at the BAU. The team had, luckily, not been on a case, but they had to do a ton of paperwork. Prentiss and Morgan had, obviously, slipped Reid some of their paperwork. Reid noticed but decided not to say anything; he could complete the paperwork faster than they could anyways. After all of the paperwork was done, they looked at the clock and noticed that they still had an hour to kill.

After a few moments of silence, Morgan groaned, "I'm soooo bored!"

"Me too," Prentiss agreed, then she burst into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?" Morgan asked.

"Well, I thought of something that we could do. It's kind of childish, though."

"Tell me!"

"Okay, but we will need Garcia's help."

**Half an hour later**

Strauss heard the phone ringing in her office. She growled then answered, "Who has the audacity to call me just as I am about to leave?"

"Chief Strauss, this is Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia, and I have just pulled up the winning lottery ticket numbers and was wondering if you would like me to check your lottery tickets for you."

"How have you discovered the winning numbers? They aren't supposed to be announced until tomorrow."

"I think you are forgetting that I am the Goddess of All Things Techy. I will read you the winning numbers anyway. The winning numbers for the $75 million jackpot are 60 41 78."

All Prentiss, Morgan, and Garcia could hear was screaming from the other line. They rushed to the bullpen where JJ, Reid, Hotch, and Rossi were all gathered to find out what the commotion was about. They were all shocked when Strauss, screaming like a banshee, came running into the bullpen area.

"I WON! I WON!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

She ran up to Rossi and kissed him passionately. Rossi pulled himself away.

"What the heck are you doing?" he yelled.

"Something I should've done a long time ago!"

She kissed him again. She then continued to run around like a maniac. Rossi just stood there, completely stunned, his mouth hanging wide open. The rest of the team cracked up at the expression on his face.

Everyone straightened up as Agent Ferdinand, Strauss's boss walked in from the elevator.

"Good to see you again, sir," Hotch said as he walked forward to shake his hand.

"You as well…What on earth is going on?!" he exclaimed as he saw Strauss's extremely abnormal behavior.

"I WON THE LOTTERY!" Strauss sang at the top of her lungs.

She then climbed on top of Reid's desk.

"CATCH ME, DAVE!"

She jumped off the desk. Rossi, still standing with his mouth agape, made no move to catch her; neither did the other agents. This resulted in Strauss face-planting on the ground.

"Section Chief Erin Strauss! You should not be behaving in such an unprofessional manner!" her boss scolded.

"Um, I'm a millionaire now, Mr. Bossman, so I don't have to take orders from that big, fat, tank you call a butt anymore!"

Everyone's eyes widened as she addressed her boss in this manner. They were even more shocked when she took Reid's coffee from him and dumped it all over her boss. She then started dancing Gangnam Style when Garcia spoke up.

"I'm not sure if this is a good time to tell you, but I am rechecking the numbers and the winning numbers are 60 41 _79. _I must have read them to you wrong."

Strauss stopped dancing and stared at her wide- eyed. She looked at her boss, then at the other agents around her. Unsure of exactly how to respond, she grabbed a pencil, pointed it in the air and shouted, "LLAMAS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!"

She ran to her sanctuary known as her office. Her boss walked back to the elevator, grumbling to himself. As soon as he was gone, Morgan, Prentiss, and Garcia burst out laughing.

"What did you do?" Hotch demanded.

"We may have called Strauss and told her she won the lottery," Prentiss explained.

"Why?" Hotch asked.

"We were bored," Prentiss continued.

Hotch shook his head and returned to his office. Rossi finally snapped out of his in-shock state.

"Do you realize the seriousness of what you've done? You could have gotten her fired!" Rossi scolded.

The three agents looked down in shame.

"Up top!" the heard Rossi yell.

They looked up and saw that he was expecting a high-five from each of them.

"You approve of our behavior?" Morgan asked.

"Absolutely!" Rossi began, "That old hag kissed me! She deserves to be fired! Please excuse me while I go burn my lips."

With that, Rossi walked out, and the team decided to call it a night.

**What'd you think? Please review and let me know! I'm also sorry I have no idea how the lottery works, so my description of the winning may be completely off. Also, I'm pretty sure Agent Ferdinand is not the name of Strauss's boss.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews! I'm glad you liked that chapter. Here's the next one. This one is why the team is not allowed to put more sugar in Reid's coffee.**

**I do not own Criminal Minds.**

Morgan walked into the bullpen. He noticed that Reid was adding some sugar to his coffee.

"Whoa there, Pretty Boy," he chuckled, "Do you want some coffee with that sugar?"

Reid rolled his eyes at Morgan's joke and got back to his paperwork. After a few minutes, he left to take his completed paperwork to Hotch. While he was gone, Morgan got an idea. He knew Reid put so much sugar in his coffee, surely he wouldn't notice if he slipped a little bit more sugar in.

Reid returned a few minutes later and drank his coffee. Morgan watched for a reaction from Reid to indicate that he realized something was wrong with the coffee, but Reid didn't seem to notice. While Reid wasn't looking, Morgan would sneak more sugar into his coffee throughout the day.

**End of the workday**

"Hey, would you all like to get a bite to eat?" JJ asked as she entered the bullpen area. Hotch and Rossi were leaving their offices as well.

"Sure, why not?" Rossi responded.

"Where do we want to go?" Prentiss asked gathering her things.

At this time, Reid came running into the room. He was very jittering and failed at standing completely still.

"We could go have Chinese food! Or what about Italian food! Hey, Rossi's Italian…WE CAN EAT ROSSI! Did you know that…" Reid said almost too fast for human ears to hear, but he was interrupted by Hotch.

"Reid!" he yelled, "What on earth is wrong with you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Hotch. What if there's absolutely nothing wrong with me? What if there's something wrong with you!" Reid yelled as he got up in Hotch's face.

Hotch backed away from Reid, suddenly terrified of the young agent. The entire team was confused, except for Morgan, who knew exactly what was going on. He cracked up as Reid began to merrily skip around the bullpen.

"I take it from your laughter that you know what's going on with Reid," Rossi assumed.

"I may have slipped some extra sugar into Reid's coffee," Morgan said, attempting to look innocent.

"Morgan, why would you do that?" Hotch scolded, "He already puts way too much sugar in his coffee already. What were you thinking?"

"I thought it would be funny to see Reid get high off of sugar," Morgan explained.

"Hey, guys! My pony is broken!"

The team turned to see Reid straddling the railing above the bullpen, near Hotch's office. He was banging on the railing, demanding that the pony 'giddy up.'

"Stupid pony!" Reid yelled as he jumped off the railing.

Surprisingly, he landed gracefully on the ground and ran to the elevator. The team grabbed his messenger bag and took the stairs. They met up with Reid outside. Reid gasped as he saw a tree and ran over to it. Morgan took out his phone and began recording everything.

"Why are you videotaping this?" JJ asked.

"For future blackmailing purposes," Morgan said with a smile.

"Send it to me when you're finished," Garcia whispered.

"Look how big this piece of broccoli is!" Reid yelled as he waved his arms in front of the tree.

He then proceeded to climb the tree. Once he was on one of the branches, he took a huge bite of leaves. After chewing on them, he realized what they were and spit them out.

"Wait a minute," Reid said, his eyes widening, "This isn't broccoli!"

"No, Reid, it's a tree," Morgan said as if he were speaking to a three year old.

"A tree!" Reid squealed with excitement. "The natural habitat for squirrels is a tree! Does this mean I'm a squirrel?"

The entire team was laughing, except for Hotch and Rossi.

"We should probably try and get him down from there," Hotch suggested.

Rossi nodded in agreement. They carefully approached the tree, unsure of what Reid might do next.

"Reid," Rossi coaxed, "You need to get down."

"Never! You can't force me to leave my home!"

Hotch and Rossi moved closer to the tree. They stopped when Reid began pelting them with acorns.

"SQUIRREL HATERS! SQUIRREL HATERS!" Reid yelled at them while he continued to throw acorns.

Reid cheered with victory as Hotch and Rossi began to retreat from the tree. Unfortunately, he lost his balance and fell off the branch, landing flat on his back. The team rushed forward to see if he was okay. After realizing what had just happened, Reid began laughing hysterically. He jumped to his feet and ran back into the building.

"Morgan, go after him!" Hotch ordered.

Morgan nodded and gave his phone to Garcia. He ran into the building after Reid. He chased Reid through the entire building…twice. He was about to run out of energy, until Reid began making his way to the front where the team was.

"You'll never catch me alive!" Reid turned and yelled at Morgan.

Reid quickened his pace. If he could get outside, Morgan would have a hard time following him. He was almost outside, when he ran face first into the front door. He fell into Morgan's waiting arms.

"Are you okay, Reid?" Morgan asked, trying not to laugh.

Reid freed himself from Morgan's grasp and touched the front door.

"Is this an invisible force field created to prevent all squirrels from leaving the building?" he asked in wonder.

"No, Reid, it's a glass door." Morgan chuckled.

Morgan led Reid outside to the rest of the team. He was still really jittery. The team walked down the street to the restaurant they had decided to go to. They hoped that maybe some real food might calm Reid down. On the way, they walked by a couple that was breaking up.

"I can't believe you would just leave me like this!" the girl sobbed.

"I just don't think it's working out anymore," the boy said, trying to calm the girl down.

JJ, Garcia, and Prentiss looked at each other with sad eyes. They hated seeing the girl looking so sad. The mood around the team worsened, until Reid started singing.

"WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER, GETTING BACK TOGETHER!"

This caused the girl to start sobbing even harder. The team hurried Reid away from the former couple and into the restaurant. They had just sat down at their table when Reid crashed. He was completely out of it.

Hotch turned to Morgan.

"Never put more sugar in Reid's coffee again!"

**Please read and review. Tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for the reviews! I'm glad this story is amusing to y'all! Here's the next chapter. I do not own Criminal Minds.**

"Reid, why are you so happy?" Prentiss asked as she and Reid were walking out of the BAU.

"Don't you know what tomorrow is?" Reid asked excitedly, "It's Halloween! The one day a year when the boundary between the normal and the supernatural are temporarily removed! Best of all, you get the chance to be somebody that you're not."

"Are you going to dress up?"

"Of course! Aren't you?"

Prentiss actually had no idea what she was going to do for Halloween. She said goodbye to Reid and got into her car. She pulled out of the parking garage and turned up the radio.

_Back door cracked we don't need a key_

_We get in for free, no VIP sleaze_

_Drink that Kool-aid, follow my lead_

_Now you're one of us, you're comin' with me_

Prentiss smiled. She knew exactly what she was going to be for Halloween.

**The next day**

Prentiss's high heels clicked as she made her way toward the bullpen. She noticed Reid in a cape with fake fangs.

"Good morning, Reid," Prentiss greeted as she set her stuff down at her desk.

"Good morning, Prentiss," Reid said as he turned around to see Prentiss's costume.

His jaw dropped as he saw what Prentiss was wearing. She had on shorts that were much shorter than they should be. Her black V-neck only covered half of her stomach. Her makeup looked like it was done with a five-year-old that had access to an exponentially large amount of glitter. Reid was still standing there, mouth agape, when Morgan walked into the bullpen.

"Nice outfit, Prentiss. Does it come with a pole?" he teased.

Prentiss rolled her eyes and started her work for the day. After a couple of hours, she got extremely bored. She was Ke$ha, after all, why not give a performance? She climbed on top of her desk.

"_C'mon cause I know what I like_

_And you're lookin' just like my type_

_Let's go for it just for the night_

_So c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!_

_Now don't even try to deny_

_We're both goin' home satisfied_

_Let's go for it just for the night_

_So c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!"_

"Prentiss!" Morgan yelled in shock. "What are you doing?"

"She's Ke$ha, what do you think she's doing?" JJ asked as she walked into the bullpen area.

"Who's Ke$ha?"

Everyone turned and looked at Reid. They laughed when they saw that he was completely serious. JJ laughed even harder when she recalled the time Reid had asked what Twilight was.

The team got quiet when Hotch walked out of his office and walked into Rossi's. Morgan's face lit up as if he got the best idea on the planet.

"Prentiss, I will give you $100 if you give Hotch and Rossi one of your performances."

"Challenge considered," Prentiss muttered as she thought about it, "Challenge accepted."

She reached into her purse and pulled out a couple tubes of glitter. She sauntered up to Rossi's office, took a deep breath, and stormed in through the door. Hotch, staring in shock of Prentiss's outfit, stood in front of Rossi's desk. Prentiss climbed on the desk and began singing.

"_Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug!"_

"Whoa, Prentiss!" Hotch yelled. "Butt. In. Face."

"You know you like it!" Prentiss sang as she moved her butt closer to Hotch.

She then continued the rest of the song. After she finished, she took out the tubes of glitter and dumped them all over her fellow agents. She looked at Rossi and Hotch's confused faces.

"What are you supposed to be, a tone-deaf prostitute with a lifetime supply of glitter?" Rossi asked.

"No, I'm Ke$ha. Morgan said he'd give me $100 if I sang one of her songs to you all," she explained.

She skipped out of the office as if nothing had happened. The two older agents just stood there, unsure of what had just occurred. They looked out into the bullpen to see Prentiss on top of her desk, singing and dancing away. Just then, Section Chief Erin Strauss decided to pay them a visit.

"Agent Hotchner, you are aware that one of your agents is on top of her desk, singing and dancing in an inappropriate manner, dressed like a stripper, right?"

"Yes, I am aware," Hotch said, "This will not be happening again."

"It better not, Aaron. This is unprofessional behavior that will not be tolerated in the Bureau."

"Says the woman who dumped hot coffee all over her boss and danced Gangnam Style," Rossi interjected with a smirk.

Strauss stabbed Rossi thirty-three times in her mind and turned to walk out the door. She screamed as a bucket of glitter fell off the top of the door and onto her head.

"_Dirt and glitter cover the floor_

_We're pretty and sick, we're young and we're bored!"_

Prentiss continued singing as Strauss huffed angrily and stormed away. Hoch and Rossi looked at each other. They didn't need to say what they were both thinking: they had the strangest team on the planet.

**Not my best, but I'd like to know what y'all think! Hopefully I will update really soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope this story is making you all laugh and bringing a little more joy to your day! Here's the next chapter, and I hope you all like it! I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its fabulous characters.**

"This is a bunch of crap!" Morgan complained.

He and Prentiss were walking back to the bullpen, having just received their paychecks.

"We have one of the toughest jobs in the world. We should at least get paid triple this amount!" he continued to rant.

"Amen, my brother!" Prentiss agreed, then her eyes widened, indicating that she had just gotten an idea. "We all have cool things around the Bureau. We could sell it on eBay and get extra money for it because all of the stuff is coming from real FBI agents!"

"So I guess Reid isn't the only genius around here," Morgan observed with a smile.

Prentiss went to the ladies room for a few minutes, and she returned in a ninja costume.

"Why are you wearing a ninja outfit?" Morgan asked.

"To pull off this mission, we need to be stealthy, like a ninja," Prentiss explained, "HIYA!" she yelled as she attempted to karate chop her desk, the result being a hurt pinky.

The two agents spent the next thirty minutes wandering around headquarters looking for stuff to sell. They met at Morgan's desk after they found some things that they could make a decent profit on. Morgan was sorting through the stuff when he came across an odd looking book. He opened and started flipping through the pages.

"Prentiss, is this Rossi's diary?"

"Maybe," she answered, avoiding eye contact.

"How did you find it?" he questioned warily

"I found it, just lying around in a locked drawer in Rossi's desk," she said nonchalantly.

Morgan shook his head, not exactly wanting to know how Prentiss managed to get ahold of Rossi's diary. Plus, the less he knew, the less trouble he would get in with the older agent.

"How did you manage to get one of Hotch's guns?" Prentiss asked.

"He went to get coffee, so I snuck into his office and took one. I figured that he has about a gazillion guns so he won't miss just one."

Among the other things the two agents found were old badges, some pens, gun holsters, etc. They got on eBay and sold everything. A couple hours later, they went hunting again to find more things to sell.

"Hey, Morgan, I found Rossi's glasses! Do you think he really needs these?"

"Probably not," Morgan answered.

The two agents were pleased with the profits they had made. So far, they had made almost a thousand dollars. At this time, Reid walked into the bullpen with a mug of coffee. He noticed Morgan and Prentiss crowded around Morgan's computer, looking really suspicious.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked.

The two agents turned to him in surprise. Morgan quickly exited out of whatever he was doing on the computer.

"Nothing," they answered simultaneously.

Reid gave them a weird look and walked away.

"He's on to us!" Prentiss hissed.

"What are we going to do?" Morgan asked as he fell back in his chair in defeat.

They both looked at the computer, then looked at each other with mischievous smiles spreading across their faces.

**One hour later**

JJ was browsing through eBay during her lunch break, trying to find some new toys for Henry at a decent price. She did a double take when she saw a particular advertisement.

**SEXY BOY GENIUS FOR SALE**

Underneath the title was a very good-looking picture of Reid. Even though she was with Will, JJ had to admit that Reid was smoking hot in that photo. She walked out into the bullpen to show the others, but she stopped when she saw Morgan and Prentiss giggling hysterically.

"Are you two trying to sell Reid on eBay?" she asked in disbelief.

The two agents straightened up immediately.

"No," they answered, attempting to look innocent, but miserably failing.

"Why would you sell Reid on eBay?"

"Well," Morgan began, "Prentiss and I were upset with the amount of money we were making, so we decided to make some extra cash by selling things we found around the Bureau. Reid was looking at us suspiciously, so we naturally assumed that he was on to us. We had to get rid of the witness."

JJ was not surprised. With everyone acting so weird recently, this seemed almost normal.

"What exactly have you sold?"

At this moment, a girlish scream of terror came from Hotch's office. Not even a minute later, Hotch stormed into the bullpen, practically radiating anger and hate.

"Who took Killgore?" he demanded.

"Who took what?" Prentiss asked confused.

"Don't play dumb! I know one of you took him, my precious little Killgore, my pride and joy, my favorite gun."

"You named your gun, Killgore?" Prentiss asked, trying not to laugh.

"Yes I did. Got a problem with that woman?"

Prentiss shook her head and looked to Morgan.

"Sorry, Hotch, we haven't seen it," he apologized.

"When I get my hands on whoever took my Killgore, I will punch them in the face and then DRAG HIM TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF HELL WHERE THE DEVIL HIMSELF SHALL EAT HIS ORGANS AND DRAIN HIM DRY OF ALL BLOOD FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!"

After Hotch's outburst, he stormed back to his office.

"Well that escalated quickly," JJ commented.

Rossi was now making his way down to the bullpen. He looked disapprovingly at the other agents.

"Okay, I know one of you know where my diary is," he said accusingly.

"Prentiss and Morgan probably sold it on eBay," JJ notified.

"You guys sold my diary on eBay!"

"Not just your diary. We also sold Hotch's gun and," Morgan paused to look at the computer, "We have just sold Reid."

"You sold a fellow agent!" Rossi yelled.

"Yeah, for fifteen thousand dollars," Prentiss said.

"This kind of behavior is completely…wait…fifteen thousand dollars? Really?"

Morgan and Prentiss smiled and nodded their heads.

"That may not have been such a bad idea after all," Rossi said after he had calmed down.

What the other agents didn't know was that Reid had been standing behind them the entire time.

"You sold me on eBay!" he exclaimed in pure horror.

"Maybe," Morgan responded.

As if on cue, the elevator doors opened. A screaming fan girl came running out of the elevator. She grabbed Reid and dragged him away.

"No! Tell my goldfish I love him!" Reid yelled as he was dragged into the elevator.

**A fortnight later**

Hotch was the first to arrive at the office that day. After a few minutes of catching up on paperwork, Reid dragged himself into his office.

"Reid, where on earth have you been?"

He took in Reid's appearance. He was covered in dust and his clothes were torn

"Morgan and Prentiss sold me on eBay to some fan girl," Reid explained, "She took me to California. We were in Death Valley, where I made my escape by knocking her out with her rubber chicken named Bessie. I then crawled across Death Valley, ate a snow cone, met a hobo, and bought a bus ticket back to Quantico."

"Morgan and Prentiss sold you on eBay?" Hotch asked in disbelief.

Hotch just sighed. He didn't understand his team one bit.

**Reviews are always appreciated!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all the reviews! Here's the next chapter. I do not own Criminal Minds.**

"Reid, how many cups of coffee have you drank already?" Morgan asked.

Once again, the BAU's youngest agent had been drinking more coffee in one morning than an ordinary human would in a month.

"This is just my fifth cup," Reid said nonchalantly.

"Just your fifth! Reid, we've only been at work for an hour."

"Your point?"

"My point being, Pretty Boy, that I think you are a coffee addict."

"I am not! I could stop drinking coffee any time I want to."

"Okay, if you're so sure you can do it, let's bet on it. If you go the rest of the day without coffee, I have to do whatever you say. On the other hand, if I win, you have to do whatever I say. "

Morgan held out his hand for Reid to shake it.

"You're so on!" Reid said with confidence as he shook Morgan's hand, and the two agents resumed to their work.

**Five minutes later**

"Are you okay, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked, slightly amused. He had noticed that his young coworker was a bit fidgety.

"Never better!" Reid responded cheerily.

**Two minutes later**

Reid was starting to get very jittery and his left eye was beginning to twitch.

_It can't be that hard, can it? _Reid thought. _Just don't think about the sweet nectar of the gods that is known as coffee._

**Ten seconds later**

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Reid screeched as he made a beeline for the break room.

He came out carrying more full coffee mugs than humanly possible. He gulped them all down in under one minute. As he was gulping the coffee, some of the delicious liquid had spilled onto the floor. Reid noticed this and dropped to the floor, licking the excess coffee. At this time, Hotch decided to walk out into the bullpen. He took one look at Reid, turned around, and walked straight back into his office, unsure of what he had just witnessed. Reid then stood up with what little dignity he had left and began stroking his coffee mug.

"I missed you so much! Did you miss me? I know you did!"

It was too late for him to realize that Prentiss, JJ, and Morgan had been observing his psychotic behavior.

"I'm not crazy!" he tried to defend himself before the others had time to say anything.

"I know you're not crazy, Reid," Morgan said, "But I do know that you're gangster."

"What?" Reid asked very confused.

"You lost the bet, and I am going to make you dress and act gangster tomorrow, for the entire work day."

Reid groaned and sank back into his chair. He was already dreading tomorrow.

**The next morning**

Morgan, JJ, and Prentiss were waiting anxiously in the bullpen. Their jaws dropped when they saw Reid. He was wearing a baggy t-shirt and a gold chain around his neck. He wore a cap about his head, but he had it turned sideways. His jeans were sagging a lot lower than jeans should.

"What up, home skillets?" he greeted his teammates.

"Nice outfit, Pretty Boy," Morgan complimented. "There's just one thing you should know. When you sag your pants, always wear a belt with them."

"Why?" Reid asked.

"So people can't do this…" Morgan said with a mischievous grin.

He then pulled down Reid's pants, revealing his Doctor Who boxers. Reid showed no emotion, although his face did turn just about every shade of red in existence. Prentiss started giggling uncontrollably.

"Heehee! You just got pantsed!" she pointed out obviously.

Reid quickly pulled up his pants and made his way to his desk. Rossi walked down to the bullpen to ask Prentiss something about her mother. Before he could speak to Prentiss, he was greeted by a very oddly dressed Reid.

"Yo yo Rossizzle in da hizzle!"

Reid held up his hand, expecting a high-five. He was saddened when Rossi did not return the gesture.

"Reid," he sighed, "Never say that again. Ever!"

"Okay, Rossizzle, I catchin' ya drift!"

"What on earth are you talking about?" Rossi asked.

Unfortunately for Reid, Hotch had been watching all of the activities occurring in the bullpen.

"Reid!" Hotch yelled from his office. "Get in here!"

Reid left the bullpen and made his way up to Hotch's office. He took notice of Hotch's disapproving look at his outfilt.

"What can I do ya for, MC Grandmaster Hotchdog?" Reid asked his boss, giving him the peace sign.

"I was just going to ask you for your recent reports, but I now must reprimand you on your choice of dress. You are aware that it is not appropriate dress code. "

"Yeah, I feel ya Hotchdog, it won't happen again."

"Why are you acting even stranger than usual?" Hotch asked.

"'Cause I lost a bet with my homie, Morgan, and he told me I had to act gangsta fo the whole day."

"Stop behaving this way, or you're fired," Hotch threatened with a deceitfully pleasant smile.

"Yes, sir!" Reid squeaked as he ran from the office.

Hotch went back to concentrating on his work. He was very pleased with himself because he was being very productive, until he heard commotion from the bullpen.

"Yo, Morgan, I challenge ya to a rap battle!" he heard Reid yell.

Hotch sighed in annoyance as rap music blasted from the bullpen. What he did find amusing was the fact that Reid was actually a better rapper than Morgan.

"I have the strangest team," he muttered to himself and got back to work.

**I hope you found this chapter quite entertaining. Please read and review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! Here's the next chapter. I hope you guys get a good laugh out of this one! I do not own Criminal Minds or its fabulous characters.**

"Anyone want to go get some drinks?" JJ asked as she was walking through the bullpen toward the elevators.

"I'm in!" Morgan said, then he turned to Prentiss and Reid, "Are you guys in?"

"Sure, why not?" Prentiss agreed looking to Reid who was nodding.

"What are we doing?" Garcia asked as she walked in.

"We're going out for drinks. Care to join us?" JJ invited.

"Of course!" she squealed.

"Mind if we tag along?" Rossi asked as he and Hotch walked toward the rest of the team.

"Now it's a party!" Morgan teased

"Don't count on it," Hotch said.

The team made its way to a local bar located just a few miles away from the BAU headquarters. They chatted as they waited for their drinks. After they received their drinks, Garcia's eyes widened.

"Why don't we play truth or dare?" she asked excitedly.

"Well, we've never done something like that before," Rossi commented.

"Can I go first?" Garcia asked bouncing up and down in her seat. Everyone nodded. "Okay, Prentiss, truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to go over to that guy and the black shirt dancing with the girl in the green dress, slap him across the face, and yell at him for cheating on you."

Prentiss groaned, but she got up and made her way over to the guy in the black shirt. The rest of the team watched with an amused look on their faces. She shoved the guy's girlfriend out of the way.

"How dare you cheat on me!" she screamed in his face.

She then slapped him so hard everyone in the bar heard it and turned to stared at her.

"It's over!" she yelled as she stomped on his foot and walked back to the team.

The poor guy looked so confused. The furious glares his girlfriend was giving him just added more to the humor. Everyone tried to be serious, but they all cracked up laughing, even Hotch.

"I'm glad you found that funny," she said sarcastically, "Morgan, truth or dare?"

"Do you even have to ask, princess?"

Prentiss motioned Morgan closer to her so she could whisper her dare into his ear. As soon as he heard the dare, a mischievous grin spread across Morgan's face. He grabbed the ice that was in his glass and dropped it down Hotch's shirt. Everyone stared with wide eyes as Hotch spazzed out, trying to get the ice out of his shirt. Prentiss started giggling uncontrollably, and Hotch gave her a death glare.

"Pretty Boy, truth or dare?" Morgan asked.

"Truth."

"Do you have a crush on someone?"

Reid looked to the ground.

"Maybe," he responded.

"Who?" everyone on the team yelled at once.

"I already answered Morgan's question," Reid said quickly and defensively, "JJ, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Run right through that couple," Reid said pointing to a couple that could not keep their hands off of each other, "When you run through them, scream Red Rover."

JJ did as she was dared to do. The couple threw annoyed glances in her direction. As JJ sauntered back to the team's table, the woman gave her a certain gesture that involved a finger located in the middle of the hand.

"Woo hoo! I'm number one!" JJ yelled as she clapped and jumped up and down. "Hotch, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

The team looked at him in shock. Even JJ was stunned. She quickly thought of a dare.

"I dare you to make out with the first woman that you see."

Hotch nodded and got up from his seat, his eyes landing on his target. He walked up to the woman, spun her around, and kissed her. After he pulled away, his mouth dropped open in pure terror.

"Aaron Hotchner, what on earth are you doing?" Strauss asked.

"I…gah…gah…" Hotch tried to explain himself, but he was at a complete loss for words.

"Whatever Aaron, you know you liked it," she said with a creepy smile.

"Look, a distraction!" Hotch yelled pointing in some random direction.

"Where?" Strauss asked looking around.

Hotch used this opportunity to make his escape. He weaved in and out of the crowd, hoping to lose the she-demon. Everyone wore an amused expression on their faces when Hotch returned. They took in Hotch's appearance. He looked as if he had just ran in to the devil himself, which he practically had.

"I can't believe I just made out with that cold-blooded reptile."

All of a sudden, the team's faces grew serious. Morgan was the only one who spoke.

"Don't even talk like that, Hotch. That is an insult to cold-blooded reptiles across America."

Then the team burst into laughter. Maybe it was the alcohol taking effect, but the team laughed for ten minutes straight. This earned them odd glances from everyone in the bar. Hotch turned to Rossi.

"Rossi, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Again, the team was shocked. None of them would have expected Rossi to choose dare. An evil smile spread across Hotch's face. He motioned Rossi closer to him and whispered the dare in his ear. Rossi's eyes widened as he was given his instructions. He reluctantly got up and disappeared into the crowd.

"What did you dare him to do?" Garcia asked excitedly.

"Oh, you'll see," Hotch said with a smile.

The team waited patiently for fifteen minutes, looking for any sign of Rossi. They ducked their heads when Strauss walked by their table, talking on her cell phone.

"Yes, officer, it appears my car has been stolen," Strauss said, "I have no idea who could have possibly stolen it."

Soon after her phone call, the authorities walked into the bar. As if on cue for the police's arrival, a car crashed through the back entrance of the bar. While everyone in the bar, except the team, was fleeing the bar, Rossi opened the door and rolled out James Bond style. He snuck over to the rest of the team.

"Mission accomplished!" he claimed proudly, nodding to Hotch.

The team pulled out their cell phones to record Strauss's reaction to seeing her newly, totaled car, which involved foaming at the mouth and spazzing out like a crazy woman.

"Run!" Rossi ordered as the cops realized they were at fault and began chasing after them.

The team could definitely agree that this was a night they would never forget.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Reviews are always appreciated! **


	7. Chapter 7

**I am so sorry for the long wait! I got really busy with school…can't wait until summer when I can write fanfiction all the time! Until then, here is the next chapter! This one has been specifically requested by several readers. I hope you like it. I do not own Criminal Minds.**

"Hey Jack, can you give your daddy a hug before he goes to work?" Hotch asked as he was about to walk out the door.

Jack came sprinting through the living room and practically tackled his father in a hug. Jack stepped back and looked at his father.

"Daddy, do you know who you remind me of?"

"Who?"

"James Bond! You're just like agent 007! You wear the suit and everything!" Jack giggled.

Hotch laughed and walked out the door. While driving to the BAU headquarters, he thought about what Jack had said. It was probably because they had a James Bond marathon the night before, but it made him laugh nonetheless. Once arriving to work, his eyes began to sparkle. He realized that Jack had given him some inspiration for how to make his morning interesting.

Before beginning the day in his office, he pulled out his gun and stood with his back to the wall next to the bathroom door. After making sure no one was around, he kicked the door in and waltzed inside. He paused to look at himself in the mirror.

"The name's Hotchner," he said, then he made a sexy face, "Aaron Hotchner."

He started giggling like a little girl. He thought he was being hilarious. He continued to test sexy faces and secret agent poses in the mirror. Only it was too late for him to realize that someone was in the bathroom with him. The stall opened up, revealing Erin Strauss.

"Aaron Hotchner, what are you doing in the women's restroom?" she demanded.

Saying Hotch was mortified would be an understatement. He opened the bathroom door, and sure enough, the sign had a picture of a stick figure girl on it. He must have been so caught up in the thought of acting like James Bond that he didn't pay attention to the sign. Although he was a profiler, Hotch could really be unobservant sometimes. He dashed out of the women's restroom and somersaulted into his office.

He had arrived really early to the office. The rest of the team wouldn't be there for about another hour. He heard Strauss's heels as she walked to her office. Putting his ear next to the door, he waited to hear the sound of her door shutting. Once it was shut, he quietly opened the door and somersaulted back out of his office. He noticed a stapling sitting on Reid's desk. Performing an awesome round-house kick, he knocked the stapler clear across the bullpen.

"That stapler never saw it coming!" Hotch said to himself.

After drawing his gun, he ran into the hallway leading to the bullpen. Looking around the corner, he noticed two agents walking in his direction. He took cover in the nearest storage closet. Once the two agents had passed, he continued sneaking around headquarters. Looking at the time, he decided that he should probably return to his office. He was startled to see that Prentiss and Reid had already arrived. Deciding to dazzle them with his 007 skills, he rolled through the bullpen, James Bond style of course, and lunged into his office, slamming the door shut.

"Did Hotch just ninja roll through the bullpen, or am I just seeing things?" Prentiss asked, looking to her fellow teammate.

"I'm not quite sure what we just witnessed," Reid responded.

The two agents shrugged it off and got back to work. Hotch sat at his desk and was beginning the paper work from their most recent case. He jumped slightly as he heard someone pounding on his office door.

"Agent Hotchner, let me in!" Strauss demanded.

Hotch stared at the door with wide, fearful eyes. Maybe if he didn't say anything, she would just go away.

"I know you're in there!" she said as if she could read his mind.

Hotch knew he would have to act quickly.

"What would James Bond do?" he asked himself quietly.

Hotch opened the bottom drawer of his desk where he kept his spare ties. When you work at the BAU, you have to look spiffy, so Hotch always had extra ties, just in case. He tied several ties together to make a makeshift rope and opened the only window in his office. After securing the many ties to the window pane, he dropped the makeshift rope out the window and began to scale down the side of the BAU headquarters. He was almost all the way to the ground when someone yelled at him from below.

"Aaron, what on earth are you doing?" Rossi yelled at him.

Hotch let out a girlish scream and let go of the rope. Fortunately for him, there was a bush right below him.

"Were you trying to get yourself killed?" Rossi asked him as he help him up.

"I may have been pretending the be James Bond while trying to escape from the she-beast."

Rossi nodded in understanding. They walked in to headquarters and were about to join the rest of the team.

"That's him!" a security guard yelled, pointing at Hotch. "That's the guy sneaking around with a gun!"

Hotch yelped as he was tackled to the ground by five security guards. As they handcuffed him and dragged him off, he looked desperately to Rossi.

"Tell Jack that I love him and to remember to feed the cat!"

"Aaron, we will get you out of this, and you don't even have a cat!" Rossi yelled to Hotch as he was dragged away.

Rossi sighed as he made his way to his car. He was not looking forward to making another trip to the police station because of his team.

**Sorry if this wasn't as funny as my other chapters. I hope you at least found it entertaining! Please read and review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here's the next chapter! I hope you find this chapter full of comedy and hilarity! Wait…that was redundant…oh well! I do not own Criminal Minds.**

"What are you doing?" Morgan asked Reid as he walked into the bullpen.

Reid continued fiddling with the cube like object in his hands.

"Solving a Rubix cube," Reid responded.

Morgan chuckled.

"I've never seen the point in solving one of those stupid cubes."

"They're considered stupid by those who are not smart enough to solve them."

Morgan threw an annoyed glance at Reid.

"If I really wanted to, I could solve it."

"Okay," said Reid, "Solve it right now."

He mixed up the Rubix cube and set it on Morgan's desk. He watched with an amused expression as Morgan glared at the colorful cube.

"How hard can it be?" Morgan mumbled to himself.

He grabbed the cube and attempted to solve it.

**End of the work day**

Hotch was finishing up the last of the case reports. He was excited by the fact that he might actually get to go home early. He didn't think it would be possible since there were reports of gunshots around Quantico. There weren't any signs of who could have caused the gunshots, so the police assumed it was just teenagers messing around. His concentration was broken by a loud roar coming from the bullpen.

"STUPID RUBIX CUBE! ALL I AM TRYING TO DO IS FIX YOU!"

Hotch sighed in annoyance and walked out of his office to see what was going on. As soon as he stepped out the door, a Rubix cube flew right in front of him and hit the wall centimeters from his head. Hotch groaned as he saw the huge dent left in the wall.

"Morgan, what is the meaning of this?"

Morgan walked up to his boss and looked down at his feet.

"I lost control of my anger because Mr. Rubix Cube wouldn't let me solve him."

Hotch shook his head. He couldn't believe Morgan was actually referring to the Rubix cube as a human being. He bent down and picked up the colorful device.

"Why are there bullet holes in Mr. Rubix Cube?"

Morgan looked up and responded very defensively.

"That colorful torture device has a mind of its own! It wouldn't let me solve it, so I did what any other reasonable person would do. I went outside and shot it."

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose. One of his agents had been responsible for the gunshots heard earlier. He reluctantly returned the cube to Morgan. He then sighed and walked back in to his office, the event that had just occurred not surprising him one bit.

Morgan returned to his desk, eyeing the Rubix cube. He attempted to solve it again, this being his 183rd attempt. After, yet again failing, he calmly got up and walked away. Prentiss and Reid looked at each other confused. After observing Morgan's behavior all day, they knew he shouldn't be able to react this calmly, and they were right.

Morgan returned wearing a hockey mask and carrying a chainsaw. He started up the chainsaw and began sawing through the Rubix cube. Hearing the commotion, Strauss decided to see what was happening in the bullpen. At the sight of Morgan in a hockey mask with a chainsaw, she fainted.

"Finally!" Rossi yelled.

He ran out of his office and began to kick Strauss repeatedly. He didn't kick hard enough to break any bones, but hard enough so that she would be mysteriously sore when she woke up. He then squatted so his butt was in her face and let one rip. Reid and Prentiss looked at Rossi, eyebrows raised.

"The old hag kissed me. This is payback for making me disinfect my lips," he reasoned with a shrug.

He waltzed back into his office as if nothing happened. By this time, Morgan had cut through each individual square in the cube, as well as his desk and computer. He dropped the chainsaw and yanked off his mask. He quickly assembled the pieces so that all the same colors were on one side,

"YES! I HAVE DEFEATED YOU, THE ALL POWERFUL MR. RUBIX CUBE! SUCKS TO SUCK!"

Morgan then began his victory dance, but his happiness would be short lived.

"Hey, Morgan!" Reid called.

Morgan stopped dancing and turned to Reid. Reid threw a little booklet at Morgan and it hit him right in the face. Morgan grabbed the booklet and looked at the title.

**HOW TO SOLVE A RUBIX CUBE IN LESS THAN TWO MINUTES**

At this moment, Morgan radiated anger and hatred, all of which was directed at Reid. Morgan advanced toward Reid in a menacing manner. Reid's eyes widened and he bolted away from the bullpen with Morgan right on his heels. The rest of the team made its way out of the bullpen, stepping on the still unconscious Strauss in the process. They stopped in the hallway, noticing that Morgan had duct taped Reid to a pole. They all shrugged and walked away. Right before they left, they heard Reid's desperate cries for someone to help him.

**Sorry this chapter was shorter. Please read and review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again! Thank you all so much for reviewing/following/favoriting this story! I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long! Here's the next chapter, I hope you get a good laugh out of it! I do not own Criminal Minds.**

Reid, loving coffee the way he does, walked into the break room to pour himself a mug of the delicious liquid. He actually really needed the coffee. He was having a lot of trouble sleeping, but his solution to that was coffee, coffee, and more coffee. Eyes closed, he began his routine of making coffee, something he had mastered a long time ago. The only problem was when he reached for the coffee maker, he grabbed nothing but air.

At this, his eyes flashed wide open. He desperately looked around the break room, looking for the device that could provide him with the sweet nectar of the gods, but it was not there. Reid let out a girlish scream and fainted.

Morgan and Emily, upon hearing the girlish scream from the break room, left the bullpen to go investigate.

"Reid, are you all right?" Emily asked when she saw her youngest colleague on the floor.

They helped Reid sit up. Morgan supported him as his eyes began to flutter open.

"Reid, what made you faint?" Emily asked.

"Well, I came in here to make a cup of coffee, but the coffee maker was missing."

"What!" Morgan bellowed as he jumped to his feet, causing Reid to crash back onto the floor.

He and Emily tore apart the break room in an attempt to find the coffee maker, but to no prevail. Emily sank to the ground and began to cry.

"It's okay, Emily, we can make it through this time of trial," Morgan comforted her as he rubbed her back.

"Maybe Garcia can get us the security footage of the break room and we could see what happened to the coffee maker," Reid suggested.

Emily immediately perked up.

"Reid you truly are a genius!" she practically yelled and she kissed Reid on the lips.

Reid just sat there, completely dazed as Emily made a mad dash for Garcia's lair.

"What just happened?" Reid wondered aloud.

"I'm guessing Emily really wants that coffee maker back," Morgan chuckled.

He helped Reid up and the two of them made their way to Garcia's lair. Garcia was already frantically searching through the security footage, her eyes twitching.

"Must. Find. Coffee maker," she muttered to herself as she searched for the appropriate tape.

She finally found the security footage of the break room. She rewound the tape to earlier that morning. A man with his hood up entered the break room, looking suspicious. The four agents watched in horror as the man took the coffee maker and ran out of the room without getting caught by another agent and keeping his face hidden from the cameras.

"We have a thief among us!" Prentiss declared.

"We need to tell JJ," Reid said.

The four infuriated agents charged to JJ's office. She looked shock to see the angered expression on the agents' faces.

"Why do you guys look so angry?" she asked, completely oblivious to the horrors of what had occurred that very morning.

"Someone has stolen the coffee maker from the break room," Garcia answered.

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" JJ yelled as she grabbed a pitch fork from underneath her desk.

The others stared at her in shock.

"You keep a pitch fork under your desk?" Morgan questioned.

"Don't be hatin'," JJ responded.

"Why?" Morgan furthered questioned.

JJ looked around, attempting to look innocent. "No reason."

The others just shrugged.

"Here, two of you can carry the torches!" JJ said as she handed Reid and Garcia.

Reid and Garcia looked at each other, wondering how on earth JJ kept two lit torches under her desk without anyone knowing. The angry mob of FBI agents stormed over to Hotch's office to notify him of the fact that there was a thief in the BAU headquarters. They knocked on the door to his office. Hotch opened the door and honestly wasn't surprised to see his team carrying pitch forks and torches.

"I know I'm going to regret asking this, but why did you all form an angry mob?"

"Sir, someone has stolen the coffee maker from the break room," Reid notified.

Hotch calmly turned around. He walked over to his window, opened it, and walked right out of his office. The team ran to the window to see if their unit chief was all right.

"Ouch!" they heard Hotch yell as he landed in a bush.

"Hotch, are you okay?" Morgan called down to his boss.

"I'm fine! Just find the man who should not even be considered a human who deprived us of our coffee!"

The first place the team checked was Strauss's office. They gave the section chief a heart attack when they barged in with their torches and pitch forks while she was playing Just Dance 3. After a few rounds of Just Dance, they searched her office. Surprisingly, the coffee maker was not there. The team searched every nook and cranny in the BAU headquarters for their beloved coffee maker, but it was nowhere to be seen. They had just regrouped in the bullpen when they realized they had never told Rossi the horrific news. They marched up to his office and knocked. When there was no answer, they looked at each other nervously.

"There's only one reason why Rossi wouldn't open the door," Prentiss muttered.

"The Coffee Maker Bandit has kidnapped Rossi!" Garcia exclaimed.

"Exactly! We must search his office for evidence!" Prentiss yelled.

Morgan kicked the door down. The team froze when they saw Rossi in his chair with his back to them.

"Starships were meant to fly! Hands up, and touch the sky!" Rossi sang as he danced in his chair.

His eyes widened when he finally turned around and noticed the team standing there. He quickly pulled his headphones out of his ears.

"Erm…what are you all up to?" he asked, looking around the room nervously.

"Someone has stolen the coffee maker from the break room, would you happen to know anything about that?" Reid asked, noting Rossi's suspicious behavior.

"I don't know anything about that," Rossi stammered as moved closer to one of the bottom drawers of his desk.

The team knew he was hiding something.

"What's in your desk, Rossi?" JJ asked with a deceivingly angelic smile.

"No-"

Before Rossi could even get the word out of his mouth, the angry mob stormed his desk and ransacked through the drawers.

"I FOUND IT!" Morgan yelled as he held up the coffee maker.

Rossi tried to sneak out when the team was celebrating the recovery of their coffee maker, but he failed.

"You!" they all growled simultaneously.

"You're the one who tried to destroy our happiness!" Garcia accused, "You shall suffer the most severe form of punishment!"

The team picked up Rossi and carried him over their heads while they cheered for the fact the finally caught the Coffee Maker Bandit. As they carried him through the bullpen, they ran into Hotch. The team stopped cheering, fearing their team leader would not approve of such action. He took one look at Rossi and immediately knew that he was the one who stole the coffee maker.

"Why did you do it, Dave?" he whined with a pained expression on his face. He then looked to the others, "I never saw anything."

The team began cheering again as they carried Rossi to his doom. They set him down in an office and quickly locked the door. Rossi was confused as to why being locked in an office was considered 'the most severe form of punishment.' He soon understood why.

"Hello, Dave," Strauss said seductively.

Rossi began banging on the door.

"Please have mercy!" he begged, but no one heard him.

The rest of the team was in the break room, enjoying the delicious coffee they were deprived of.

**I hope you liked it! Please read and review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm very glad you found the last chapter amusing! Here's the next one and I hope you find it just as funny! I do not own Criminal Minds.**

"Morgan!" Garcia called from her office.

"Yes, Baby Girl," he responded as he leaned in the doorway to her office.

"Will you go to the mall with me?" she asked with pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry, I can't. My mom and sisters are coming in town and they are getting here tonight."

Garcia pouted.

"It's not fair! JJ has to go home and take care of Henry because Will is working tonight. Prentiss has a Ke$ha wannabes meeting. Rossi claims to have a date, but I'm pretty sure that's code for jamming out to Nicki Minaj with his cat. Hotch…well…just no. Nobody wants to go to the mall with me!" she complained while flailing her arms dramatically.

"Did you ask Reid?"

Garcia looked at him as if he were an alien. She finally found her voice to respond.

"He doesn't really seem the type that enjoys going to the mall. I'm not even sure he knows what the mall is."

"Well, you're desperate for a shopping partner, aren't you?"

"Fine. Will you send him in here so I can ask him?"

"Anything for you, Baby Girl."

Morgan left to go fetch Reid. As soon as he was out of sight, Garcia began rubbing her hands and giggling in a very creepy manner. Reid was going to go shopping with her whether he wanted to or not. She stopped as soon as she heard Reid's footsteps coming toward her office.

"Morgan said you wanted to see me," Reid said, expecting an explanation.

"Yeah, I did. Please come in!" Garcia said cheerily.

Reid sat down in one of Garcia's chairs and began fiddling with one of her crazy pens.

"What did you want?" Reid asked.

"I was wanting to know if you wanted to go to the mall with me," she said with a huge smile on her face.

"I'm sorry, I can't…I have to read things…about stuff," he stammered, looking for any excuse to get out of it.

Garcia shook her head.

"You're coming with me," she stated with pure determination.

Reid chuckled and rose to leave.

"Sorry, Garcia."

He began making his way to the door. He stopped when Garcia lunged at the door, shutting it and locking it. She stood there with her back against the door, holding up a troll doll as a weapon.

"You are not leaving this office unless you agree to go to the mall with me!" she seethed.

"Garcia, I really don't want to—Ouch!"

Garcia had thrown the troll doll and hit Reid right between the eyes. She used that distraction to tackle him to the ground. She stripped his belt of the handcuffs he was ordered to carry and cuffed his hands behind his back. Reid began whimpering as Garcia began dragging him out of the office. She dragged him through the bullpen to get to the elevators.

"HELP!" Reid pleaded desperately, "I'M BEING FORCED TO GO SHOPPING WITH A PSYCHOMANIAC!"

Morgan chuckled as the two made their way passed him. After hearing all the yelling, Hotch emerged from his office. He gave Garcia a stern look.

"Garcia, I'm pretty sure you know that kidnapping is illegal," he scolded.

What he failed to realize was that she was armed. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a can of silly string. She sprayed it all over Hotch then began dragging Reid to the elevator. Once he had been forced out of headquarters and into the parking garage, Reid began whimpering at the sight of Garcia's pink car.

"Garcia, please don't make me do this!" he begged.

Garcia just giggled maniacally as she forced him into her car. He looked as if he was about to be driven insane as Garcia blasted some Taylor Swift on the radio and sang along at the top of her lungs. He was almost relieved when they finally arrived at the mall. She pulled him out of the car, finally freeing his hands of the cuffs. He immediately tried to make a break for it, but she grabbed on to the collar of his shirt and steered him toward the mall.

"What store do you want to go to first?" she asked him as they entered the mall.

Much to Reid's dismay, the first store they came across was Victoria's Secret. Garcia squealed with excitement and ran full speed into the store, dragging Reid along with her. She giggled as she noticed Reid's was obviously uncomfortable.

"Garcia, why did we have to go in here?" Reid complained.

"Just shut up and carry this!" she ordered, flinging a bra at him, which landed on his head.

"AHHHHHH! IT BURNS!"

Garcia rolled her eyes and continued shopping. After a couple hours in Victoria's Secret, the two made their way to a shoe store. Reid banged his head against the window as Garcia tried on countless pairs of shoes, earning him weird looks from the people passing by the store. After what seemed like hours, Garcia forced Reid to go to Dillard's.

"This will be a much quicker stop," Garcia assured Reid as they entered the store, "I'm just looking for a dress for my friend. Then we can leave."

Reid sighed with relief. The two found the dress section and Garcia began to browse. She squealed as she found the perfect dress and held it up. It was hot pink and low cut.

"This is perfect for her! The only problem is that I don't' know if it will fit her or not," she looked at Reid, "You're in luck, Boy Wonder! She just so happens to be really skinny and just your height!"

Reid's eyes widened as Garcia shoved the dress in his arms and steered him to the dressing rooms.

"No! No! No!" he stammered.

"Reid, the sooner you try it on, the sooner we can leave the mall," Garcia reasoned.

Reid groaned and went into the dressing room. He quickly slipped the dress on.

"It fits! He called to Garcia.

"Come out! I want to see what it looks like!"

Reid whimpered and reluctantly exited the dressing room. Garcia gasped when she saw him in the dress.

"Here, put these on! They will complete the outfit!" Garcia ordered, shoving a pair of pink stilettos in his hands.

Reid groaned and put on the shoes.

"Walk around a little! Let me see you work some magic!"

Reid reluctantly walked around. He panicked when a store clerk began to approach them.

"Ma'am, there have been some complaints about your friend's outfit," he notified.

Garcia turned to the store clerk, anger etched in her features.

"Sir, I'd like to inform you that this is 'Merica! I can dress my friend however I please!" she yelled and she slapped the store clerk.

Stunned he walked away. Reid was relieved that he was gone, but his relief was short lived.

"Reid?" he heard someone ask in disbelief.

Reid turned around to see Hotch and Haley staring at him.

"Uh, I can explain…"

"Reid, is there something you need to tell me?" Hotch asked with a playful smile on his lips.

"Nope."

Reid spun around and sought refuge in the dressing room, wondering to himself how on earth he let Garcia kidnap him.

**I hope you liked it! Reviews are always appreciated!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here's the next chapter! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I truly thought that I would have more time for writing during the summer, but apparently I was wrong and I sincerely apologize for that. As usual, I do not own Criminal Minds, just the plot that I twist the characters into fitting!**

"_Tonight we're goin' hard hard h-h-h-hard,_

_Just like the world is ours ours o-o-o-ours,_

_We're tearin' it apart part p-p-p-part,_

_You know we're superstars,_

_We are who we are!"_

"PRENTISS, THIS IS NOT KE$HA KARAOKE TIME!" JJ yelled.

She, Prentiss, and Garcia had gathered for a girls' meeting in Garcia's lair. They had been trying to get down to business, but Prentiss's Ke$ha urges were interrupting the meeting.

"Girls, we have to get the guys back," Garcia said in a deathly serious tone, "We shall not let them get away with scaring us during our movie night!"

_*flashback*_

The girls decided to go see a movie for their ladies' night. To change things up a bit, they decided to go see a new horror movie, the Purge. They made the mistake of letting Morgan know of their plans before they left the office that evening.

They went straight to the theater, not even considering the thought that someone might be following them. They settled into their seats and the movie began. It was one of the quietest and most suspenseful part of the movie and the girls tensed up in their seats. All of a sudden, a set of hands grabbed each of the girls. They screamed bloody murder out of reflex, resulting in everyone in the theater to turn and look at them.

Once everyone turned their attention back to the movie, the girls looked to see who had scared the living daylights out of them. Morgan, Reid, and Rossi sat in the row behind them with mischievous smiles on their faces. They waved at the girls. After giving them the death glare, the girls attempted to watch the rest of the movie and enjoy their night out, but the fear that the guys would scare them again followed them for the rest of the night.

_*end of flashback*_

"What should we do?" Prentiss asked.

"Burn them alive!" JJ shouted, holding a torch in her hands.

Garcia shook her head and sighed.

"JJ, hun, this is not the Salem Witch Trials. We need to hit them where it really hurts!"

She started giggling evilly and then her eyes lit up with an idea.

"I have the perfect plan!" she exclaimed.

The girls formed a huddle and discussed their game plan. Then they dispersed to carry out their mission.

Garcia was the first to see her target. She walked straight up to Morgan.

"Hey, Hot Stuff!" she greeted him, leaning in to give him a hug.

She ran off before Morgan could even say anything in return. What he didn't realize was that Garcia stole his phone out of his back pocket. She easily hacked through the lock on his phone and into his contacts. She scrolled around until she found the name she was looking for: **Hotch**. She couldn't stop laughing as she composed a message to send.

**Morgan: Hotch, you are the sexiest man alive! I want to take you home to meet my pet unicorn!**

**Hotch: Morgan, go home. You're drunk. End. Of. Discussion. **

"Dang it," Garcia muttered to herself, "I hope JJ and Emily have better luck than I do."

JJ knocked on the door to Rossi's office. When no one answered, she assumed no one was there. She entered the office and had a heart attack when she saw Rossi jamming out to his iPod. His eyes were closed, and, according to his dance moves, he was really getting into the music.

Fake spiders in hand, JJ maneuvered around Rossi's office. She hid the spiders in various places, such as his desk and his bookshelf. She was thinking of another place to hide a fake spider when Rossi interrupted her thoughts.

"OH YEAH! GOT ME THAT BIEBER FEVER!"

JJ stood completely dumbfounded for several moments. By that time, she decided that she should get out of Rossi's office. She snuck out and waited for Rossi to come across the spiders. Rossi's hand finally landed on one of the spider's she placed on his desk.

A girlish scream sounded from Rossi's office. He pulled his headphones out and desperately looked for something to kill the tiny demon creature with. To Rossi's horror, spiders were everywhere he looked in his office. Continuing his girlish screaming, he ran out of the office, through the bullpen, and out of the building completely. JJ rushed the window to see him running down the street, still screaming.

JJ laughed and returned to her office. Her mission was accomplished.

Emily approached Reid's desk. She hadn't been so sure if she could pull this off. It was awfully mean, but Reid had humiliated her in public, so she got over it.

"Reid, I have some very sad news for you."

"What?" Reid asked, looking up from his paperwork.

"Doctor Who has been cancelled."

Reid's mouth fell open in pure horror. His right eye began twitching uncontrollably.

"This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening." He muttered to himself as he stalked out of the office.

"Okay, then," Prentiss muttered and she went to go join JJ in her office.

The two ladies chatted and decided to turn on the local news. Apparently a new polar bear arrived at the zoo and a news reporter was doing a segment on it. They were genuinely surprised when Reid ran in front of the camera.

"I have a very important announcement to make!" he shouted.

"Um, excuse me?" the news reporter asked, completely mortified by Reid's behavior. She continued, "A new polar bear has just arrived at the zoo—"

"Nobody cares about a freakin' polar bear!" Reid yelled as he shoved the news reporter out of the way and stole her microphone. "We are currently having a world crisis! Doctor Who has been cancelled! Save all of your recordings, store all of your DVDs. They are the only things left that allow us to survive!"

A couple cops appeared in the camera's view. They tackled Reid to the ground. The news reporter picked up the microphone and began beating Reid upside the head with it. The two women stared at the TV in shock. They were snapped out of their in-shock state when Hotch barged into JJ's office.

"Are you two seeing Reid on the news, or am I just going crazy?"

**I hope you all found this chapter amusing! Please read and review!**


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